Get started in the Solo Flight self-directed coaching course by beginning to answer the question: what do I want? Learn how to make a difficult decision holistically – using both sides of your brain and your intuition.
Your Lesson
I’d like you to meet your new partner. You’ll be working with him or her as you go through the next few weeks. This person has a lot of experience, and a lot to offer you in this process. But before you two can go conquer the solo world, you need to trust your partner, so it’s time to get acquainted.
Getting Started:
Putting first things first …
When we first start contemplating whether to go solo, we tend to focus on the wrong things first. How will we support ourselves and our families? Where would we set up shop – home or office? If office, what would be the best location? And the granddaddy: how on earth will we ever get clients?
Breathe, and let those thoughts go. Cart before horse.
Stephen Covey writes in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People that we need to put first things first. He’s speaking of our general priorities in life but it’s equally applicable to any decision making process. When we immediately begin thinking of things like office location and marketing plans, we’re not putting first things first. We’re getting way ahead of ourselves.
So what are the first things? What do we need to put first in this process? It’s relatively straightforward and simple – but it’s going to be far from easy. If you’re anything like me, it might be the hardest part of the entire process:
First, you have to figure out what you want.
If that sentence made you break out into a cold sweat, relax. That’s what this part of the program is about.
What’s Going On In There?
How can one simple question cause so much trouble? “What do you want?” they ask. “Um,” we stutter. “Hmm.” We pause. What do we want? We desperately rack our brains for any hint of anything … “Well,” we may say, “I’ll tell you what I don’t want!”
Stop right there. It’s a start. It’s our start. What don’t you want?
Often, when we’re struggling to figure out our heart’s true desire, we find ourselves drowning in a sea of options. The question can be impossible to puzzle out when we attack it from above. So start from underneath. Like a sculptor, dig out the unwanted mass. Carve away the easy stuff. Over time, that mass of clay will soon appear to resemble a form that you can recognize – one you can refine and aim towards with more precision.
But to get there, you have to wade through the muck first.
Getting to “No”
You’ve heard of Getting to “Yes” – but right now, we’re interested in getting you to “NO.” Not just any ‘no’ – no wimpy little “I don’t think so”s or “Mmm, not right now”s. We’re after a gag-inducing, stomach-flipping sense of revulsion. And not just about work, either – let’s aim for the whole enchilada. Work, yes, and also family, travel, community, sport, fun, art, friends, lovers … if it’s part of your life, or might be, it’s fair game.
How we’re getting there: through the power of stream of consciousness writing.
As we proceed through the next six weeks, we’re going to explore something I call “holistic decision making” – I don’t know if the term’s original with me or if someone else dreamed it up first. It’s what I call using your whole brain, your whole self, actually, to engage fully in a decision and make the best choice. Put in terms you mathematical and logical types might appreciate:
[Brain(analytical left + creative right) + your intuition ] – fear = best decision you are capable of making
You’re probably already slightly aware of which side of the brain you most often engage – left side being associated with logic, reason, analysis, math, and the right typically associated with creativity, art, verbal expression. (If you’re not, or you just want to explore this some more, try taking this test.) For purposes of this exercise, and the ones that follow, though, w want to engage both sides of the brain. We want, in short, all of you involved in making this decision – every single part with something to contribute is going to get a voice.
One of the best ways to achieve that holistic input is by stream of consciousness writing. Simply put, it’s the act of writing, either with or without a guiding thought or structure, in a quick, continuous style without editing and without stopping for some predetermined period. You can write a certain number of pages (as Julia Cameron calls for in her very popular “morning pages” exercise from The Artist’s Way). Or you can write for a certain length of time (30 minutes, an hour, etc.). We’re going to take a different approach – we’re going to write until we feel we have nothing more to say. In short, your intuition is going to tell you when to stop.
Your Homework
First, you’ll need a comfortable space with an environment conducive to digging deep. Whatever that is for you, create it. Some suggestions:
- Propped up with pillows in bed
- A meditation cushion on the floor
- A spacious recliner
- Your desk, with a comfortable chair
- A hammock outdoors
Ensure you will have one hour uninterrupted. No telephones, doors closed, family members and roommates instructed to leave you be on pain of death or disinheritance. If music helps set the mood, by all means play some (but nothing that will have you singing along or paying attention to the music instead of the page – instrumental tunes are often better for this purpose). Likewise, engage other senses without creating distractions – candles (but only if you’re not going to be obsessed with whether they’re safely removed from flammable substances), incense (likewise), flowers (but only if you’re not allergic) – you get the picture.
Note: we’re not necessarily after a Zen spa experience, if that’s not what gets you in the mood for this kind of personal reflection. Listen to your own senses and body – it will tell you when you feel most relaxed. If what you create isn’t working for you, listen to and respect that sense – it’s simply a part of you that’s communicating with you, giving you feedback. And that? Is all that intuition is. It’s feedback you give yourself. That’s not some “out there” New Age concept; it’s common sense, and it’s common to all of us.
Get out your journal and pen and take a deep breath in for a slow four count, and out for a slow four count. Breathe in again, for four, and this time, breathe out for six at the same pace (yes, it can be done). Do it again – breathe in for four, out for six. One last time, in for four – but hold that breath for six, and now breathe out for five, forcefully. You should be feeling much more relaxed and centered already. (That’s an easy exercise, by the way, that you can do anytime you need to achieve a state of calm quickly.)
As your breathing slows and returns to normal, think of this trigger phrase:
What’s the absolute worst that could happen?
Hold that question in your mind, with your eyes closed if it helps (and open if it doesn’t), for a minute. Dwell on it. Let it seep into your cells, your heart, that space behind your eyeballs …
Now start writing.
Here are the rules for this exercise:
- Keep the pen moving. Don’t stop, no matter what, until you reach the end (see the last item in this list).
- If you don’t know what to write, then go back to the trigger. If you hit a blank, don’t stop writing! Don’t ever lift that pen up off the paper – keep it flowing by writing over and over “What’s the absolute worst that could happen?” Write it all over one side of the page and the other if you have to. Just don’t stop until it’s time.
- Broaden your focus to include your entire life – not just your work. Think about where you live, what your entire day is like. Think about your health – your family’s health – the time you spend with your family. What would just absolutely suck, were you forced to endure it?
- Keep it real. We’re not after catastrophes (though if that’s what comes to mind first, that’s (A) perfectly understandable and (B) perfectly OK. Write them down, then see if you can gently move yourself beyond the tragedies to the little deaths – the sad state of affairs, the uninspired.
- Quit when there’s no more to say.If you’ve written several pages (at least three, front and back, no more than 25% of which is the trigger question) and if you’ve been writing the trigger question for more than five minutes, put the pen down and massage your hand a bit. You’re done.
After you’ve finished, put it away. Seriously – for at least three days.
And to ensure you don’t cheat and go too quickly to the next step, I’m withholding step 2 until Monday. ‘Cause I’m evil that way.
And because I’m not that evil, I’ve attached the first bit of my own stab at this exercise (in typed format, because asking you to read my handwriting would truly be evil) in the document here: Sheryl’s Exercise 1 (Word format) .
Myers Briggs/Other Personality Tests
If you’re interested in further fleshing out your understanding of your new partner – yourself – consider taking one of the many personality tests available on the web. The following list is a representative sample; no warranties or representations about the quality of the test or its conclusions, however, so caveat quiz-taker.
A note about personality testing: I don’t put much faith in MB or other tests as an indicator of success in the solo practice of law. The value of these tests is not in their ability to tell you whether you’re “suited” to private solo practice; it’s in the acquisition of self-awareness only. Do not fall into the trap of looking at your results and thinking, “Ah, well, so much for that idea.” Simply observe the results for now. We’ll be working more with them as we go along.
Talk Back
Feel free to use the comments section below to ask questions, ask for clarification, or share your experiences.
Technorati Tags: making the decision to launch a solo law practice
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