Solo Flight: Lesson 1, Part 2 – Turning “No” Into “YEAH!”

This is a continuation of lesson one in “Solo Flight,”our self-paced, self-guided coaching course designed to help lawyers examine whether opening a solo law practice is the right move. If you’d like to participate in this program, all you need do is read the introductory post here, the first part of lesson 1 here, and catch up with the homework assignment spelled out in that last post. When you’ve done that, take a few days to decompress and then come back to this post to catch up.

Where we were:

We began our course last week by getting to know ourselves as “partners” – whole, complete, richly experienced human beings with something to say and a need to say it. We did this by taking a look at our “no”s – the things we could say with certainty we don’t want in our lives, come hell or high water. We take this approach when we’re sussing out future actions for one simple reason: sometimes, answering the question “what do you want?” can be the hardest thing of all. It comes with a lot of baggage attached to it, that question; others’ expectations and needs, our own fears, our fears about others’ expectations … it can be like running the gauntlet sometimes to figure out our most treasured desires. So, we start as a sculptor does – by carving away the “don’t wants” – the negative space surrounding our dreams.

Moving On: Part 2 of Lesson One

Now that you have your “no”s written down on paper, we’re going to begin a transformative process: turning “no” into “YEAH!” What we’re aiming for: a visceral reaction when you look at your vision as a whole. What do I mean exactly? For me, it’s a sensation of falling forward, a quickening of spirit, an excited vibration almost like a humming, without sound, in the base of my throat, But this is how I experience it physically. It may present itself far differently to you, but whatever that experience is like for you – what I call “the holy YES” – that’s what you want.

Setting The Mood

How do we get there? First, recreate the environment you made in part 1, the one that helped you make your list of ‘no’s to begin with. But this time, instead of deep and reflective, try setting a mood that’s powerful, engaged, enthusiastic. How do you do this? There are many methods – meditating for a few minutes, invoking certain attributes through mantra (i.e., “peace” or “joy”), or simply jumping around physically for a few minutes to get the blood flowing. For me, I’ve found the simplest way to be selecting certain music.

Think about it: consider a piece of music that you find to be particularly depressing or morose – for me, it’s Five for Fighting’s “100 Years” (seriously, could that piece be any more wrenching?). How do you feel when you hear it? Now, think about something you find exciting – a head-banging, pound-the-dashboard piece that makes you speed when you’re driving (“Welcome to the Jungle” by Guns ‘N Roses, anyone?). How does your mood change when you hear that piece as opposed to the first one? Music clearly has the power to affect our moods. So use your reactions to music to help create the mood that’s going to help you get through this next part of the exercise. What you’re going for: something that makes you feel powerful, invincible; something that makes you want to move and do something.

However, that’s just one way “in” to the right frame of mind. Use whatever helps you feel empowered and motivated.

Choosing Your (Key)Words Carefully

Once you’re set, take out your pages of “no”s, and with a red pen, circle or underline phrases and words that sum up the “no”s in question. Example: in the following passage …

I hate my cubicle, so crowded and impersonal. I hate the rigid schedule, and the boss breathing down my neck and treating me so disrespectfully.

… I might circle “cubicle,” “impersonal,” “rigid schedule,” “boss”and “disrespectfully.” Go through the entire exercise, circling bits and pieces that will recall the highlights of the “no”s for you.

Once you’ve completely reviewed the entire exercise by circling the key words and phrases, go back to the beginning. Turn in your journal or notebook to a brand new page. Draw a line straight down the middle of the page. On the left side of the page, beginning at the top and skipping several lines in between each entry, jot down the words and phrases you just circled. Go through the entire exercise this way, listing all the words you circled – your “no” keywords – on the left. Use as many pages as you need, but leave sufficient room underneath each item to write a few sentences.

Turning It All Around

Done with that? Move on to the next step – and here’s where the empowering music could really benefit you. On the right side of the page, write one word (or one short phrase) that sums up the opposite of your “no” keyword on the left. What do I mean? Using the example I provided above:

• For “boss” – on the right side, I might write “no boss” or “work for myself”
• For “disrespectfully” – on the right, I’d write “respect” or “admiration”

Use your imagination, and take your time. Pick just the right word or words. Don’t settle for the first thing that comes to mind. Take some time, explore the possible answers, and pick the one that provokes you a little, that quickens your pulse – that creates, even just a little, that visceral response we talked about earlier in this post.

Now, there may be some words you circled and jotted down on the left for which there is no opposite that makes you feel a little more lively. That’s OK; just pick the one that strikes you as most appropriate, and move on. We’re not done with these by a long shot – there’s a lot of work to be done still, so you’ll have time to get it “right” – whatever “right” means for you, of course.

You might want to take a little break at this point – five minutes of some yoga or simple stretches, or even a walk around the block, can have a tremendously helpful effect on self-work like this exercise. When you’re ready to come back to it, pick up the journal again and we’ll proceed.

Your Life In The Affirmative

Now, we’re going to turn the “yes” keywords into “YEAH!”s by creating affirmations. If you haven’t worked with affirmations before, you may find yourself resistant to this part of the exercise. It can feel … odd, to some, to write a statement that isn’t literally true as if it is true. But keep an open mind, and you might be surprised by the power of this exercise.

What’s an affirmation? It’s a simple sentence, phrased in a positive, affirmative way, that declares and describes some condition of your life. Always phrased in the present tense, affirmations allow us to define our goals with greater clarity and specificity, and to help our mental faculties begin the process of expecting and accepting a “new reality” – one in which the goal is achieved. Affirmations have been proven to aid in athletic performance, as well as in educational settings.

Our use of affirmations will start with the “yes” keywords. Looking at the first “opposite” you wrote down, create an affirmation out of that word or phrase. For instance, continuing with our example, I wrote “boss” as my “no” keyword, “work for myself” as my “yes” keyword, and my affirmation might be something like:

I am working for myself as a lawyer.

It’s just that simple. Of course, that’s not a very powerful affirmation, is it? It needs something. But let’s come back to that on Friday. For now, finish the exercise by going through each and every “yes” keyword and creating an affirmation for each. Don’t worry if they’re not detailed – in fact, that’s a good thing right now, because it shows you’re really working through the process and not skipping steps. But if you do know what you want, and can put it in writing with great specificity, don’t worry about that, either – consider yourself lucky and write away!

That’s it for this week! Finish that up, and we’ll start there on Friday with Lesson #2: Defining The Ideal.

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