This Sidebar column, from the Section of Litigation (ABA), made me sad.
The questioner writes:
Ever since I was little, my mother always taught me never to be afraid to treat myself to a good cry. Lately, I’ve been treating myself a lot. I’ve been working with a group of other lawyers at my firm on a very contentious and difficult case. We’ve suffered several setbacks and the stress level is running high. I always managed to hold back my tears until I was in private, but I couldn’t control myself during a recent meeting when the partner in charge berated the group. My bawling put an embarrassing end to the meeting, which raises my question. Is it ever okay to cry at work?
Sidebar goes on to answer, basically: no. It’s not ever OK to cry in public as a lawyer; bawl your eyes out in private if you must.
I don’t know. To me, the more interesting question is, “why did you feel like crying in the first place?” and “how often does this happen?” Does it ever occur to anyone that being provoked to tears in the workplace is not “OK”? That it ought to be unacceptable to berate someone to the point of tears? That there might be a more professional way?
We’re so quick to condemn incivility between opposing counsel. But look how we – well, some of us – treat our coworkers!
I had a similar problem as “Cry Baby” above before I quit. It was an incredibly stressful time at the County. We were being harangued by community leaders who were maddeningly political and obstinately refused to listen to us. It was a horrible time, made more horrible by a pervasive sense of “every man and woman for him- or herself.” Instead of pulling together as a team and standing up as one, we all rather had the sense we were being fed to the wolves, or could be at a moment’s notice. And – yeah – I cried. More than once.
For the longest time – for months – I viewed this as my personal failing, and sought everywhere for advice on how to stop crying at work.
It wasn’t until outside circumstances forced me to reconsider launching a solo practice that it finally dawned on me. Maybe the problem wasn’t that I couldn’t stop myself from crying. Maybe the problem was that I felt like crying on such a regular basis in the first place!
Sometimes, we’re so quick to assume blame on ourselves, and in many circumstances it’s entirely appropriate to examine our own conduct and see how we can change our reaction to whatever objectionable outside force is calling up our emotions.
But sometimes it really is the other guy’s fault. Sometimes, the problem isn’t “how do I change my reaction?” but “how do I get the hell out of this toxic wasteland?”
Technorati Tags: lawyer burnout, crying at work
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